Monday, December 17, 2012

Kehilangan ketiga...

Posted by NuiN at 3:26 PM 0 comments
It's been few days that aku rasa nak menulis tentang ini.. Just that I'm a bit busy with my work so asyik la tertangguh.

For those who knew, it has been 17 days that my second brother passed away. Aku masih lagi bersedih..inside. I'm trying as much as I can not to show it to anybody. Neither my family, nor to my friends. I just act like I'm ok. Nobody knows that I'm still thinking about it, grieving on it and last nite, dreamt about him.

I was in Sarawak that day, 30th November, 2012.

Malam sebelum tu aku mimpi yang anak kepada kakak sepupu aku meninggal. He still a small boy, so pagi 30 November tu aku dok terfikir kan mimpi tu sambil berkata dalam hati, "panjang umur Aiman (sebab firasat orang mengatakan kalau kita mimpi seseorang meninggal, maksudnya orang yang dimimpikan tu akan panjang umur.. Wallahua'lam)"..

I didn't feel anything weird that day, just that I'm so excited to go back to KL and started planning to go to Bentong with my friend on the next day to eat durian. Few days before that, aku plan nak balik Penang, I already browse the flight schedule to fly directly from LCCT (after arriving from Sibu), last minit aku ubah fikiran. Sebab aku rasa sangat rushing kalau nak balik direct on the same day I arrived from Sibu. So, masa tu terfikir, better balik next week je coz I plan to buy IKEA's meatball for my brothers too.

Around 11:30 am aku terima call dari mak ngah dan Ejah (cousin). Tapi aku tak dapat nak pick up the call coz tengah meeting. And then mak ngah sent sms suruh aku call back sebab ada emergency. I had so many bad experience with the word EMERGENCY, so received a text message with an emergency statement is something yang akan buat jantung aku berdegup kencang. Without delay, aku call handphone mak ngah tapi line tak clear. So I went down, go out from the office and aku call handphone Ejah pulak. I'm not so sure whether line tak clear or Ejah was crying, all i can hear from her that time was "Amin...Amin..".. Lagi lah aku panik thinking what has happened to Amin? That time, it doesn't occur to my mind AT ALL, that the news I will receive is about Lan, my second brother. Ejah passed her phone to mak ngah, and until today, I still remember each word that mak ngah said to me, "Mak ngah on the way nak pi Cameron Highland, lepas tu Amin call, dia bagitau abang Lan meninggal..". I don't know how to explain what I felt that time. Aku terduduk kat tapak tiang ofis tu, and I was crying, asking mak ngah whether it's true. Otak aku tak boleh proses the news that time.. I don't understand how it happened and why it has to happened. I was thinking why he left me before I go back to Penang? Why he didn't tell me he was sick like my other brothers did? The last time I met him was on 19th November, 2 weeks before he passed away, why he didn't showed any sign that time? All the stupid questions occured to my mind and make me cried harder. And I was all alone that time, no families around, just few friends that I just knew during this project, make me feel like I'm going to collapse that time. I can't remember the rest of my conversation with mak ngah, yang aku ingat cuma mak ngah keep on saying, "sabar kakak, istighfar banyak2.." and I keep on crying.

After that aku call mama. Mama was so calm, telling me what has happened. Mama kata malam Khamis tu Lan masuk tidur lepas berbual dengan Amin dan mama. Mama kata malam tu dia asyik bergurau dengan Amin, sama-sama tengok gambar burung (their passion) kat internet, and laughed together. And malam tu jugak dia bawak kerusi roda mama, isi angin kat tayar kerusi roda tu (when all this while he never care). On Thursday, he didn't came out from his room at all. Mama did knocked few time through out the day tapi mama ingatkan dia tidur, or maybe dia dah bangun tapi mama tak perasan. One of his habit is to lock his room from inside so memang susah nak tau whether he's sleeping or awake. Came to Friday morning, he still didn't came out so mama dah rasa tak sedap hati. Mama asked Amin to break the door. When Amin and his friend broke the door, they found out Lan's body lying on his mattress, turning blue. He has left us by the time they found his body. Mama's story made me cry harder. I feel a very sharp pain inside knowing that my brother might be stuggling with pain before he passed away, and he was all alone. I keep on thinking that I should be there that time.. Same like mak ngah, mama keep on asking me untuk sabar, istighfar..everytime she heard me crying. I asked mama to wait for me before performing the funeral, but mama said she prefer to settle it as soon as possible. Doctor confirmed that Lan has passed away about 12 hours before they found him due to heart attack. For that duration of time, it is not a good idea to keep the body for some more time. So, bila aku fikir secara rasional, yea, i shouldn't be selfish and asked them to wait for me. Aku tak sanggup nak siksa jenazah Lan so aku cakap kat mama, "Takpe lah, tak payah tunggu kakak.."

The rest of the day was a history, I arrived Penang at 11 pm that night, everything has settled, all my uncles, aunties, cousins were at my house, everybody were there except Lan. On Monday morning, I went to visit his grave, I recited ya'sin for him and that is the second time I cried again.

Adik,
Semua yang berlaku ni sebenarnya macam mimpi untuk mama, kakak, amin dan seluruh keluarga kita. Pemergian adik memang tak terduga lansung, dan pemergian adik buat semua orang sedih, membuktikan betapa semua orang sayang kan adik. Kakak redha adik pergi. Kakak doakan kesejahteraan adik di sana. Walaupun dalam hati kakak masih sedih dan terkilan sebab tak sempat jumpa adik, tapi kakak yakin rancangan Allah adalah yang terbaik untuk kita semua. Kita akan jumpa lagi di akhirat nanti.. Insyaallah.. Damailah adik di sana. Kami akan kekal merindui adik, abah dan Jiji..

Al - Fatihah
(Nur Azlan bin Md Baki - 04.03.1978 - 30.11.2012)

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Monolog keyakinan

Posted by NuiN at 9:00 AM 2 comments

Jalan satu kaki
Cuba untuk berdiri
Guna satu tangan
Tahan dari tumbang
Lihat sekeliling
Ku lawan rasa terpencil
Ada dua tangan
Ada dua kaki
Aku pasti mampu berlari

-Nuin-
Sibu, 28112012

Friday, November 16, 2012

Worse headache experience

Posted by NuiN at 1:44 AM 0 comments
I'm suppose be sleeping now sebab pagi nanti nak pegi keja, tapi mata still tak nak pejam.. Sbb siang  tadi cuti so mata ni jadi lupa diri sikit.. And I'm suppose be packing also coz TSO dah cakap esok dia datang ambik aku and terus balik Penang, but I'm too tired to do so. Packing adalah perkara yang paling malas untuk aku buat and this time nak kena packing banyak benda coz I'll be going to Sarawak for 2 weeks, direct from Penang (flight transit kat KL la tapi I'll just wait in LCCT on that day).. Aghh..lagi lah bercinta nak packing..

Yesterday I had a very bad headache. Tapi aku pegi keja jugak, bila sampai ofis dah tak tahan sangat aku pegi panel clinic kat building sebelah ofis. Bila doctor check, dah tau dah that my blood pressure is going up high. Aku bgtau doctor jugak yang aku rasa mcm ada angin tak keluar dari badan and it makes me uncomfortable. Tapi doctor tu tak percaya aku, he thinks it related to muscle, bukan angin.. So tak dapat la ubat angin..ngok ngek.. During lunch hour, aku dah tak rasa nak makan nasi, so makan lauk pauk je and hot soup.. Then kawan aku bawak rambutan dtg ofis, aku makan gak sikit and that be my last meal in the office sebab aku dah start rasa makin sakit kepala.

Pukul 530 sharp aku angkat kaki dah tinggalkan ofis. Even kalau ikutkan aku masuk keja pukul 10, kena balik pukul 7, tapi aku dah tak bole tahan sakit, so gamble je lah balik awal. Dari Damansara sampai Mid Valley tu ok lagi, nak masuk ke KL-Seremban highway je, the traffic jam dah start building up.. And my headache getting worsen.. Masa tu aku dah rasa nak muntah semua cukup tapi cepat2 aku masukkan sweets dalam mulut kononnya nak hilangkan rasa loya tu. Haihh..sebab aku tak pernah accidentally vomit selama ni, aku tak tau yang rasa nak muntah tu tak boleh di tahan-tahan.. Elok masuk je ke KL-Seremban highway, I can feel that rasa nak muntah tu dah sampai hujung tekak. Meragau la tangan aku masa tu cari plastik dalam kereta.. Luckily I found one! Dapat je plastik, semua food yang aku makan that day keluar habis.. I can't remember how I vomit and drove at the same time, and I don't even bother samada kereta sebelah kiri kanan tengok aku ke tak. Bila dah ok sikit, I stopped by at the nearest petrol station, beli a can of Coke sebab kawan-kawan aku pesan suruh minum Coke untuk keluarkan angin. Tapi aku tak berani minum dalam kereta takut muntah lagi. Sampai rumah, dengan susah payahnya aku habiskan setin Coke tu (I don't like soft drinks!), and lepas tu setin Coke tu jugak la yang aku muntahkan balik. 

Huhuuu...it's the worse headache ever!!

Moral of the stories, I learn that there are 2 things (based on my experience) that cannot be controlled with your mind.. 
1. Tidur disebabkan oleh ubat selsema (suraya mesti ingat kes aku tido kat kedai mamak lepas makan ubat selsema...hihi)
2. Muntah sebab sakit kepala

Lepas ni kena selalu spare plastik dalam kereta la nampaknya...

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Cinta Mati

Posted by NuiN at 12:08 AM 0 comments

Hari ni cuti so temankan TSO pegi tukar tayar and rim for his new car. We went to one tyre and rim shop kat Sunway, while waiting aku nampak Noorkumalasari and her son came to the same shop. So I just told TSO that aku nampak Noorkumalasari at the waiting lounge and she still look gorgeous in the black jubah and tudung.

On the way back, TSO asked me:

TSO: Yang dulu orang cakap Sudirman dengan Noorkumalasari tu, diorang bercinta ke?

So aku pun berdasarkan pembacaan sebelum ni explained to him,

ME: Tak la, they're close friends. Noorkumalasari's face iras-iras mcm Sudirman's ex-wife.

TSO: Sudirman ada ex wife?

ME: Yup, diorang bercinta dari zaman sekolah. Tapi time Sudirman top, wife dia mintak cerai. Tapi Sudirman memang cinta mati kat ex dia tu, sebab tu dia tak re-married sampai akhir hayat dia.

TSO: You cinta mati tak kat i?

Errkk.. sejak bila pandai jiwang mamat ni???

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Momento Aidil Adha

Posted by NuiN at 5:47 PM 0 comments
Mood cuti hari raya haji masih lagi bersarang dalam kepala otak aku ni.. Hehe.. 5 hari bercuti, maunya tak rasa macam nak sambung terus ke seminggu. Supposed aku cuti Khamis till Ahad, and Isnin back to work. Tapi sebabkan cuti raya haji tu fall on Friday that lead to a long weekend, makanya hari Ahad tu traffic jam from Penang to KL adalah super duper mega. Aku gerak dari Penang pukul 5:30 petang hari Ahad, aku sampai rumah aku pukul 4:00 pagi hari Isnin!! Dah la stop sekali je for toilet break. Tu pun sebab tak tahan sangat dah, kalau boleh tahan agaknya aku simpan balik kencing kat rumah je. The traffic jam was disastrous! Start dari Juru untill reached Slim River, average speed 50 km/h. Confirm takde speeding ticket! With that, I have a good excuse to continue my leave on Monday.. Hehe..gila penat kot nak masuk office. I just text my project manager, told him that I'm too tired after the long drive so I want to take leave, and he's OK with it. Pheww...

My hari raya haji was quite ok.. Malam raya I was helping mama masak rendang, bake a cake dan biskut samprit. That's all our menu for 1st day raya. Haha.. Samprit tu pun ada cerita sebenarnya. Mama memang suka makan samprit dan terer buat samprit. Most of the time she only loves her self-made samprit. Jadinya, masa hari raya Aidilfitri baru-baru ni, anak cousin aku (which is my nephew) datang beraya kat rumah kitorang sambil menangis-nangis nak makan samprit (he's around 6 years old by the way). And to make the situation worse, raya Aidilfitri tahun ni mama tak buat pun kuih samprit! In the end my younger brother went to one of his friend's house and asked for some kuih samprit. Dapat la sebekas... hahaha.. sampai kena gi mintak rumah orang! Jadinya this Aidiladha mama terus buat kuih samprit untuk 'cucu' dia tu lah. Siap pesan kat aku masa nak beli cherry tu, "jangan ambil cherry hijau, Fariz tak makan. Ambil yang merah aja..".. alahai.. tu baru disebabkan cucu saudara, belum lagi cucu dari anak sendiri.. Tapi tak tau la sebab fenomena si Fariz ke apa, raya kali ni semua orang nak makan samprit (including me!), samprit mama buat sebalang besar tu sekejap je dah tinggal suku!

First day raya, my officemate came to my house to pick up lemang yg she pesan from me. Lemang ni aku beli kat Bangi.. memang sgt sedap. When I told my friend ni, dia pun order jugak sebatang. Because of her husband's parent stay at the same kampung with me (which aku tak kenal pun siapa), so dia suruh aku bawak balik Penang dulu and pagi raya tu dia datang ambil. She came with her husband and when the husband introduce himself to mama, baru la aku tau husband dia tu second cousin aku! What a small world... Happened to be, arwah datuk husband dia adalah abang arwah datuk aku. Bapak husband dia adalah sepupu arwah abah aku. Anyhow, it feels great jugak to know that coz aku agak close juga dengan my officemate ni, so rasa happy la bila tau yang we are related.. Hehe.. Petang raya as usual balik Kedah.. Kat Kedah pun sunyi sepi sebab semua adik beradik yang lain tak balik. So rasa macam sessi balik kampung yg biasa aja..

Raya ke dua aku jemput my relatives datang rumah.. Just buat small gathering and makan-makan. Mama masak mi kari yang sedap, aku tolong sikit2 la, tapi observed dengan full attention..hehe..rasanya macam lepas ni kalau orang suruh buat mi kari pun aku reti dah. And aku beli sebiji cake untuk celebrate birthday Adni yang ke 2 tahun. That girl sekarang asyik membebel aja mulut dia. Dah pandai nyanyi jugak dengan suara halus dia tu. Dok ulang menyanyi lagu 'sudah cukup sudah'.. even dia banyak jerit kat word yang hujung-hujung je. I really love family gathering.. specially bila penuh dengan sepupu-sepupu dan anak-anak sedara yang kecik-kecik tu.. Melayan diorg je rasa hilang letih memasak whole day..hehe..

Raya ke tiga pun tak pergi mana. Just teman mama pergi beli groceries and then petangnya aku drove back to KL. Drove slowly back to KL, that's the exact word!!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Ada nombor telefon tak?

Posted by NuiN at 11:27 AM 0 comments

Few days ago aku received a message on my Facebook.. It's from a guy friend. Hmm, this guy was my primary school friend, the last time we communicated as a friend was like 23 years ago! Lama gila dah tu.. We did met again once (early this year or last year kot) when he stopped by at my mum's stall.. tapi masa tu just say hi hi bye bye je la.. And he did once in a while say hi to me on Facebook. Ok fine.. But this time when he sent the message, its just one sentence, "Ada nombor telefon tak?"

Me? Blur...



Why you want my phone number? If I give it to him and he call, what should I say? Kawan sekolah rendah kot, nak cerita apa je la kan.. It's not like we keep in touch all this while. Until today I didn't reply the message, nor giving him my number.

I knew people said friends are forever, tapi agak-agak la kot. Nowadays, aku bukan jenis orang yang suka terlalu attach to a friend. Dulu-dulu zaman study mungkin la.. Sekarang, I choose privacy more than being very open to a friend. Rasanya boleh kira dengan jari je sekarang ni berapa ramai kawan yang aku betul-betul close and comfortable to talk to, but i'm definitely ok with it.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Bling bling

Posted by NuiN at 1:39 PM 0 comments

Hari ni my ID were barred from accessing the network. While waiting for the IT people to extend the vailidity period, terpaksa la layan internet dan game kat phone.. The picture in this post (time tulis ni aku guna Blogger for Android on my HTC.. i dont even know where the picture will be placed. Kat atas ke, kat tengah ke, coz it was sitting in another column..hmm) is my favourite MP4 player. Not favourite because quality or brand or what, but because of the sentimental values that it has. Anyway, few years ago player ni tak bling bling mcm tu, just few months ago aku pegi jalan2 kat Daiso and saw this bling2 thingy. Nampak cute and agak gedik di situ so I decided to give it a try. My MP4 player was laminated with a high quality plastik apakenamantah so aku tak kisah sgt la nak bereksperiment on it..
Once done, the first response that I received was from my colleague, a chinese guy.. He look at my face, his face was like so blur blur one, and he said..
I NEVER KNEW THAT YOU WERE THIS KIND OF GIRL..
Err... What kind of girl actually likes bling-bling? Cute whattttt! :D



 

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